Why, by the verities on thee made good, May they not be my oracles as well, And set me up in hope?

But hush! No more.

And thus ends Banquo's soliloquy as he finally understands the full scope of what his best friend has done and is capable of doing for power, and in desperation asks why he may not hope to attain a place in history too when promises were also made to him. As anyone who has read or seen the Scottish play performed knows, Banquo does attain a place in history through his heir, Fleance, but himself is savagely murdered at Macbeth's behest shortly after delivering these lines. Tragic as they may be, I feel that they sum up my feelings on the past year. If someone else can, why not me?

When I was in the first grade, my teacher announced that we would be doing a play. Everyone would participate. The play was Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and we would soon be assigned our roles. I don't remember fervently hoping to be cast as Snow White, but I do remember when I was, and I do remember running up the front steps to my house, bursting with excitement to tell my mom that I was the star of the show, I was Snow White! After that, I was hooked. Our class performed one play every year. Some years I had a lead role, other years I had 2 or 3 smaller roles in the same show, but every year I loved it.

When I got to high school, I joined drama right away. I auditioned for the school's fall play, Antigone, my freshman year, and got a role in the chorus. I was fine with it, it was my first play at the school and I  thought that in time I would of course get better roles. This did not necessarily turn out to be true. I tended to get cast in the ensemble if there was one, and in the smaller, stranger roles (Gloria Rasputin in Bye Bye Birdie, Whore #1 in Les Mis, Mrs. Soames in Our Town). It stung a little to see my peers start to get larger roles while I was continually passed over, but I stuck with it, and I'm glad I did. I made more friends through drama than I did through anything else I did in high school. I was painfully shy and lacked self-confidence (maybe this was why I didn't such great roles), and if it had not been for drama I probably would have crawled into a hole and not socialized at all.

Then came college. When I first arrived on campus I started looking for auditions right away. Not the school's main stage productions, of course (while the auditions were open to all, it was somewhat of an unspoken rule that those were reserved for the school's acting students) but for the club shows. I quickly gave up on plays after I faced a few rejections, but did have some luck getting cast in student film and TV projects. As a Spanish major, I also got the chance to perform in a couple Spanish language plays. I will never forget one night towards the end of my sophomore year, I stepped up on stage for a tech rehearsal for one of these plays and felt the warmth of the stage lighting on my skin. I remembered it so well, but had somehow never been conscious of it before. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had to this day.

After college, my primary focus was settling into my new life living with my boyfriend, Adam, and getting a job, any job. Acting was forgotten for the time. Things progressed quickly with Adam as we fell even more in love, got engaged, and moved to Washington. Between planning our wedding and setting up a new life in a new place, it wasn't surprising that I didn't take much time for any hobbies. A couple years later, I found myself so homesick that I finally convinced Adam to move back to Massachusetts with me, and we again started the process of setting up a life in a new place.

Cut to fall of 2013, and finally feeling settled and grounded enough to start exploring a little, I resolved that I would go on a few auditions for community theater shows, just to see what would happen. To my great surprise, I got a role in the first show I auditioned for, ironically, Antigone, the first show I did in high school. Joyful and proud as I was, I knew the director had taken a chance on me. I was rusty and had chosen a very age-inappropriate monologue for my audition, plus my acting resume was blank for the past, er, 6 years. In any case, I was grateful for the opportunity to get back in the game, and took full advantage of my situation. I studied the actors in the lead roles, I soaked in their grace and poise, their articulation and their intensity. I thought to myself, I'm not there yet, but I could do that. If other people can do it, why not me?

Turned out I was right, I landed another role before Antigone had even finished its run, the role of Banquo (played as a woman), the author of the title of this post. I remember saying to one of the other actors in the show that I felt like it was a fluke that I got such a good role, but I was going to play it cool and just act natural. After that show I got cast as the lead in another, and have just learned that I will be performing in another great show in the fall. Every time I perform, in a rehearsal or in a live show with an audience, I feel myself become a little more open. I am still in the beginning stages, I think, where I discover by feeling and operate on instinct. Technique will come with time and experience, I am sure, but I know my choices get better and better. The mousy girl from high school is gone and in her place is a hungry, vivacious woman who actually has some semblance of stage presence. Being cast in certain roles has forced me to look at myself in different lights. Why shouldn't I be the lead? Why shouldn't I be the brave one, the beautiful one, the funny one, the one who has to cry? I still face frustrations and rejections (all actors do), but I am better equipped for them now. I realize that if I am not cast in something, it's not because I suck, it's because I wasn't right for the show, or at least the director's specific vision for the show. I'm okay with that. I can say, "Whatever, I'm awesome" and move on. Part of that is me getting into my late twenties and just not giving an eff anymore, but part of that is also the confidence I have gained in the past year, and that is a direct result of my return to acting.

I'll close with this - even though (on my more cynical days) I might see my involvement with theatre as a continuous cycle of running myself ragged, sacrificing any hint of free time or a social life, and having my heart ripped in two every couple months when a show is over just as I've begun to get really close with everyone, it has taught me so much about living in the moment. Performers crave the spotlight, so we feel some of our very highest highs up on stage, and sharing that with an audience and other performers is, aside from falling in love, perhaps the closest thing to magic that exists in this world. For me, this is what makes all of the work, the sacrifice, and the heartbreak worthwhile. Those heart-pumping moments when everything else falls away and you just feel totally and completely alive.

Mawwiage

If you know me personally, you know I am a hopeless romantic. You know that I value love above all other virtues, that I love my husband with every fiber of my being, and that even before I met him I mooned around waiting for love to find me. I am really all about the love. That is why I think it is so absolutely delightful that marriage really is ultimately what is bringing this country together.

I have friends in many different parts of the country, from many different backgrounds, but today I had the great and unmatched pleasure of watching the majority of them express a single emotion in one roaring, harmonious wave. It was joy, pure, unfiltered, unadulterated joy. Anyone with a facebook account can tell you - this is rare. Many (if not most) days when I log into my account, I am half-tempted to delete myself from that world of the mundane - of the attention-seeking - of the bullshit. Not today. Today I was reminded why I want to remain connected to people. Today I am proud to be a member of the human race.

Because no matter what we all may say, what we may put forth into the world, I believe that at the core, most of us are really all about love. We may claim that we run our lives in a practical way, and some of us may even succeed in doing so sometimes, but I do very firmly believe that our most important decisions (be they good or bad) are almost always driven by love.

As I mentioned, my marriage is very important to me. It is the thing in my life that I am most proud of, and the thing that brings me the most joy. I wouldn't want anyone to be deprived of all the wonderful lessons and emotions that come with marriage, should they have the brass balls to take it on. It is my fervent hope that very soon, no one will be deprived of it again.

So much has changed in our lifetime - look what we have done. Let's keep this going. Love, live, and let others do the same.

Princess Smoothie

I made an awesome smoothie this morning and I just wanted to share the recipe with everyone!

Combine in blender:

1/2 cup of nonfat or lowfat plain yogurt
1/3 to 1/2 cup vanilla coconut milk
1 banana, broken apart or sliced
1 tomato, sliced in 1/8's
6-8 frozen strawberries
Handful frozen berries
1 tsp chia seeds
1 spoonful honey (optional)

Blend to your preference and pour yourself the yummiest, berriest smoothie in all the land!

My Latest Escapade

It's been a long time my old friend...

I wanted to take some time to write about a big change in my life. For years now, I have been very conscious of fitness and health. However, while I have been health conscious, I have not fully committed to being truly healthy. I have made excuses, tried to cancel out bad health deeds with good ones, and yet have still been baffled as to why I am not completely happy with my weight, my appearance, and more importantly the way I feel. Doing an hour of cardio every day does not give you license to wreak havoc on your body in all sorts of ways, which I knew, but about which I was somehow in deep denial.

A few weeks ago I decided that I would stop drinking on weeknights. Fine, no problem, a baby step I could handle. It wasn't like I was getting tipsy every night, but a glass of wine after dinner was something I always looked forward to, so I replaced it with a cup of tea and all was well. Just from that step alone, and pushing myself a little harder at the gym, I lost 3 pounds in one week. Wonderful. However, I have a bad habit of wanting to celebrate my small victories, and before I knew it those three pounds had crept back on. Whatever, Valentine's Day was partly to blame, I told myself, I'll lose that weight again. This is just one small glimpse into my health and fitness life, a constant cycle of losing and gaining, gaining back a little more every time. I was suddenly very aware of all of this, and I knew something had to change.

I went ahead and did something I had been meaning to do for a long time but never seemed to get around to doing, I watched Forks Over Knives, a documentary based upon the work of two researchers, Dr. T. Colin Campbell and Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, plus various other doctors and average joes giving testimonials. They all spoke about the benefit of a plant-based diet, and the harm caused to our bodies by consuming animal products. There were testimonials from people who had actually turned around cancer and heart disease just from switching to a plant-based diet. I was hooked. I watched a few more documentaries, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Hungry for Change, and Vegucated. I won't go into detail about the rest, but Vegucated and Forks Over Knives were probably the best in my opinion. I plan on watching more, and reading more. In any case, last Sunday I went to the grocery store and I filled that cart up with the good stuff. All kinds of veggies and fruits, nuts, seeds, and healthy grains.

I won't bore you with the specifics of my menu for the week, but it consisted generally of smoothies, veggie stir-fries and scrambles, salads, and fruits, veggies, and nuts as snacks. Lots of water too. I have also not eaten any meat since Monday, and I no longer intend to do so. I can get my protein and omega 3's elsewhere and I would much rather do it that way. I love animals too much. Anyone who knows me knows that it can completely turn my mood around to even so much as look at a picture of an animal, and after seeing a few things in those documentaries that I will not share here, I just can't eat them anymore. I had a moment when I was watching one of those documentaries, and some of the unmentionable footage was being shown, and I was just overcome with sadness. I looked down at my dog Helen, who looked back up at me with her sweet, concerned, brown doggy eyes, and I just knew. Never again. I've tried this a couple times before without success, so I know a lot of people won't take me seriously for awhile, and that's fine, but I know I'm done. And I will tell you, I feel amazing. Well, today I don't feel particularly amazing because I decided last night I would "cheat" and had a whole bunch of just about the only food I could consume at Texas Roadhouse - fried pickles. You can't really go straight to eating fried food after a week of consuming mainly plants and expect to feel great. Lesson humbly learned. 

So I'm a vegetarian now - what's next? Will I start to constantly reek of patchouli? Quit my job to work at a farmer's market? Grow out my leg and armpit hair? Who knows what will happen. I'd like to go full vegan eventually, that will be more of a challenge. For now I'll be focusing on trying to find local, truly free range eggs, local cheese when I want it, and more healthy versions of everyday products like flour. I want to start juicing too. As of today I am getting rid of Myfitnesspal and just focusing on eating healthy and targeting the right nutrient groups, you can't go wrong there.

To sum up, in general I feel awesome after this week. I have more energy, I am excited to start the day when I wake up, I look forward to eating instead of associating it with guilt, and as an added bonus I have lost 5 pounds. This time it's staying off, and will soon be joined by more weight I don't need. I don't have a specific number in mind, I'm just going to focus on healthy eating and getting a good amount of exercise and the rest will take care of itself. I feel this was the best gift I could give myself as I head into the second half of my twenties - a healthier and more sustainable way of life.

I welcome discussion, I know not everyone is convinced of the things I have become convinced of, but I do expect people to respect my choice, as I will respect and reserve judgment of your health choices as well. 

Stay well everyone! I hope you all have a marvelous weekend.

Mandy

Sogno Di Vino

It's become a bit of a tradition with me and my husband that when one of us gets paid and it happens to be a Friday, we treat the other to dinner. In recent weeks, this has meant a pitcher of Whoop Pass and some delicious pizza or burgers at Silver City Brewery. Don't get me wrong, I love going there, and pretty much everything they serve is a home run, but this week I felt the need to spice things up a bit.

Poulsbo is somewhat of an untapped market for us in terms of restaurant experiences, so I did a little research and was very excited to find a place that referred to itself as a "wine bar and ristorante", Sogno Di Vino.

This Italian restaurant is located in downtown Poulsbo, on Front Street. It boasts an outdoor seating area beneath strands of twinkling lights, but we chose to sit indoors so we could enjoy each other's conversation more easily (everyone and their mother was sitting outside enjoying the mild weather). The atmosphere indoors was rustic and peaceful. Brick reds and wooden browns bathed in soft yellow light give this place a warm, romantic feeling - perfect for a date night!

Alright, enough about what it looks like - on to the good part - the food and drink!

First, and most importantly, we chose a wine. Since this was an Italian restaurant, it was only fitting that we would drink an Italian wine. To that end, we ended up choosing Remole Toscana, a red blend consisting mostly of Sangiovese, a spicy red grape. It was described on the menu as "rustic and earthy". We both enjoyed it quite a bit, it was dry but not as dry as a Cabernet Sauvignon or a Pinot Noir, and it had a slightly sweet, fruity finish.

We were quite pleased when they brought us some freshly-baked focaccia bread to nibble on while we waited for our meal. I think every restaurant should do something like this, it really makes a big difference. When you're paying over $50 for a meal, those differences go a long way.

For dinner, Adam had lamb shank braised with orange and rosemary, which was served with mint-pistachio pesto, polenta and caponata. Of course, I sampled every part of his meal for the cause. Wow. I saw the lamb shank fall right off the bone the moment Adam touched it with his fork, and the flavor was amazing. I have to remember to pick up some rosemary the next time I'm at the store. Good lord it was good. The side dishes were all delicious as well, especially the caponata. I can't really even describe it but it contained olives and peppers and it was served warm - amazing.

I started my meal with a salad containing beets, strawberries, feta cheese and pecans. Yum! For my main entree I chose the Prawn Linguine. Oh boy. This dish consisted of big, meaty tiger prawns tossed with linguine and a tomato, white wine, and cream sauce. It was rich without being overwhelming, and I ate every last bite.

Although it was very tempting, we decided to skip dessert on account of our full bellies and the prospect of getting a more cost-efficient dessert at the nearby Central Market. However, I believe a pistachio creme brulee was mentioned. I think I'll need to go back for that sometime.

Clearly, this restaurant gets my stamp of approval. If I had to complain, I would say the prices are a little steep, but the food was so good that this wouldn't be a fair gripe. I had also looked at the menu ahead of time so I knew what we were getting into.

Buon appetito!

Voodoo Drag Queen Goonie Jacuzzi

Good morning! This post is about our most recent escapade - a trip that began in Portland, OR and ended in Seaview/Ilwaco, WA - with a couple stops in between.

We began our drive North on Saturday morning and arrived in Portland around 3 p.m., which was the check-in time for our hotel. I know I teased this hotel a bit in my last post, so here's the full deal:

The hotel we stayed at was called the Inn at the Convention Center. If you ever travel to Portland and are looking up deals for hotels on Hotwire, beware of the 2-star hotel in the Rose Garden Arena area. The price is tempting, but I should have sprung the extra $10-$15 to get us a 3-star. It wasn't like it was crawling with cockroaches and we heard gunshots, but it was extremely old, the elevator smelled like pee,  our room was connected to someone else's with a door, and sleeping was near impossible because of the light rail that passed what seemed every 5 minutes right outside our window. Oh - and we're pretty sure that we saw a hooker waiting for her client in the lobby. The one perk was that we got free parking, which is always welcome.

As for Portland itself, it was pretty much what we were expecting, a mix between Seattle and Ithaca, NY, where we went to school. After checking into the hotel, we took the light rail (which, while I cursed it through the night, was free) to our first stop - the Saturday market, where we walked among various food, clothing, and knick-knack vendors and munched on kettle corn. I couldn't help but be reminded of the Ithaca Applefest - especially when we passed some musicians performing to a crowd of hippies dancing freely in the street.

After the market, we made our way across town to the Rogue Public House. I was under the impression that we would be visiting the brewery, but was informed upon arrival that the brewery is actually in Bend, OR. They did have a whiskey distillery at the Public House but it was not currently operating - much to the disappointment of Mr. Adam. Oh well! We made the best of things - we were hungry so we had an early dinner and a pint. I had the Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout, which I must say I quite enjoyed. It was very rich, flavorful, and smooth. I've become quite a stout fan of late. I'm pretty sure Adam had some kind of IPA, since that's his thing, but they served it to him in a special goblet-type glass, so it may have been something else. Whatever it was, it was very hoppy. The pub fare was reasonably priced, nothing extraordinary but not bad by any means.

Our next stop was Powell's City of Books - pure heaven. We spent about an hour in there but we could have stayed much longer. They have every kind of book you can imagine, the store basically covers an entire block. They even had a rare book room - that was torturous. Almost as bad at the rare wines section at liquor stores. I considered buying an older edition of The Blithedale Romance, one of my favorite books by Hawthorne, but it was a bit pricey. It was amazing just to pick those books up and smell them though, I think that's one of my favorite smells in the world. *Sigh*

After the bookstore, we found a cozy restaurant (Davis Street Tavern) and went inside to share a bottle of red wine and some delicious lemon cheesecake. It reminded me of my study-abroad stint in Buenos Aires, when I would meet up with friends every Thursday night for wine and dessert. There's simply nothing better than that combination! I highly recommend that restaurant for anyone who wants to enjoy a quiet, classy bite.

On our way back to our wonderful accommodations, we of course had to make a stop at Voodoo Donuts, and we of course had to wait in line for 20-30 minutes. I was pretty proud of myself for convincing Adam to do that, he is most certainly not a line person. He almost made me regret it though when he loudly imitated the raucous laughter of the group of college bros in front of us - luckily they just got awkward and silent afterwards instead of trying to start something. Oh Adam. In the end it was all worth it because we got three delicious donuts each.

After settling back into our room, we spent a fitful night of semi-sleep in the hotel. We woke up around 7 the next morning ready to get the heck out. We made one final stop before leaving Portland, and it proved to be my favorite - The International Rose Test Garden! Of course, I can't go to a rose garden without being reminded of our wedding last August, so I was bound to love it, but this place was truly beautiful. Roses of every color filled our eyes and noses as we strolled hand-in-hand down the brick lanes of the garden. It set the tone for next part of our trip - the beautiful and relaxing seashore of coastal Oregon and Washington!

Our next stop was Ecola State Park and Cannon Beach, OR. Cannon Beach is where much of the movie The Goonies was filmed (think giant rock on the beach). Well, we saw that giant rock, and many more like it! On the other side of Ecola State Park was Indian Beach, where part of Point Break was filmed. I haven't seen that movie but Adam was pretty excited about it, and the beach was beautiful. Lots of surfers were taking advantage of the crashing waves, and the water was a lovely light blue-green color. After Ecola State Park we kept the Goonies torch alive and headed over to Astoria. We had lunch by the water where we had a view of the incredible Astoria-Megler bridge we would soon be crossing, visited the Goondocks house, and finally visited the jailhouse from the movie, which has been converted into The Oregon Film Museum. They had lots of memorabilia from The Goonies and other movies filmed in Oregon. We even got to "film a scene" from Kindergarten Cop. It was basically just Adam sitting at a table and saying "It's not a tumor!" but it was still fun. As an added bonus, Adam was (of course) able to identify quotes from 10 different movies filmed in Oregon on the wall and received a free dubloon from the museum gift shop!

Finally, we said goodbye to the state of Oregon and crossed the magnificent Astoria-Megler bridge to head to our bed and breakfast in coastal Washington. We checked in at the Shelburne Inn in Seaview and got our keys to the private China Beach Retreat in Ilwaco, the next town over. Our room was truly lovely. Everything that you would expect from a classy B&B - floral bedspread, floral wallpaper, a stunning view of the water, and my favorite - a gigantic jacuzzi bathtub! On our first evening there we drove to Shelburne Inn's restaurant to take advantage of our dining credit (by the way, we found this place through Livingsocial Escapes, which means we basically paid half price for our stay and received a bunch of freebies). Adam had a steak and I enjoyed duck on a bed of greens - we were both quite pleased. We washed it down with some delicious Pinot Noir and the inn's own amazing water infused with herbs, lemon, and cucumber. If any of you are friends with Adam on facebook you probably saw his status about the loud bigot sitting nearby ranting and raving for the whole tiny restaurant to hear about how agnosticism is the devil, college professors are brainwashing students, and there is something "not quite right" about Obama. Oh, and that's right, how happy he was that his daughter got into a horrible car accident because it "shocked her" into believing in Jesus. It took a lot of strength on Adam's part not to turn around and tell him a thing or two about a thing or two, I was very proud. Thankfully, about half an hour after we arrived, he departed with his friend, who barely got two words in during their "conversation". Phew! After that the evening was just beyond perfect. We shared some delicious chocolatey concoction for dessert and headed back to our room for the night. The next day we had breakfast and mimosas at the inn (if you ever go there their "Green Eggs and Ham" is AMAZING - think pesto) did a bit of sightseeing and visited a lavender farm. The lady who ran it was a bit offbeat but nice enough. We climbed the farm's treehouse, smelled a few varieties of lavender, saw some turkeys, chickens, and rabbits, and purchased some lavender sachets and fudge before departing. That evening we went to the inn's pub, where I enjoyed some Malbec and Adam got to try Redbreast Irish whiskey. After the pub we got a pizza and headed back to our room for a relaxing evening. On our final morning, we packed our things, had breakfast at the inn, and began our 3-hour drive back home, where our doggy was anxiously anticipating our arrival.

If you are ever considering a stay in this area, I highly recommend the Shelburne Inn and China Beach Retreat, the innkeepers are delightful, the rooms are gorgeous, and the food is incredible. We got our deal through Livingsocial but they also did one through Groupon and are considering doing it again in the fall, so if you use either one of these services, be sure to watch for it in your email! We had a truly wonderful time and are considering going back to stay in the Cannon Beach area for our 1-year anniversary in August. Either way, we both know we'll be back one day.

Upcoming Journey

I am so excited to finally be getting a little break next month! Adam and I both took a few days off in early June so we could take a mini vacation.

Our first stop will be Portland, OR. This is already shaping up to be an interesting night because of the hotel I (somewhat unwittingly) booked for our stay. If I'm to believe the many reviews I found on tripadvisor.com, we may be running into some ladies of the evening who make this particular hotel their office, and the elevator smells of urine and electrical fires. Joy! Oh well, at least it will be an experience. It can't be any worse than the Fargo Super 8, where we were forced to stay in a smoking room because of our cat, and where I'm certain at least 10 drug deals take place per second. In any case, I'm looking forward to exploring the city, I've heard nothing but wonderful things.

I'll admit it though, I'm more excited about our second stop - Seaview, WA! I finally caved and purchased one of those extremely tempting Groupon/Livingsocial deals for a fancy seaside B & B. We get a free bottle of wine with the room, free mimosas, and a dining/pub credit to boot. I LOVE B & B's and simply cannot wait to get my lazy, tea-sipping, homemade cookie-eating, middle-aged version of myself on!

Of course I will be writing a more lengthy and descriptive post once this fabulous mini vacation is over. For now I'm going to make sure I'm up to date on my tetanus shot and find wide-brimmed hat.

Until next time,

Amanda